I’m not perfect…
I’m not perfect.
Oh, in some ways that statement really pains me to say.
I’m a perfectionist… it’s how I’m wired. I like things, life, and myself to be clean, organized, pretty, and perfect.
In some ways this blog has helped me control, or at least channel my perfectionism. My house is not always in order… ok, let’s be honest, it’s actually rarely in order! My life does not always go as planned, I say things I wish I didn’t say, and I don’t look exactly the way I wish I did.
This blog is the one place I get to have things just the way I want. I get to post pretty, edited photos that expose only a couple square feet of my house (and not the mess required to create the “pretty” thing). I get to sit at my computer and write nice little captions about pretty cupcakes and cookies… all the while sitting at my messy desk, un-showered and in my pajamas. I get to have one little place in my life, even if it’s a virtual place, that is perfect.
This next week I’ll be attending a big blogging conference in Texas. This is where my real life and my virtual life collide. It’s terrifying. Really, deeply, terrifying!
Next week I’ll be face to face with many people I have only “met” online. People who only know me for my Hydrangea Cupcakes or Pink Ombre Cake, or decorated cookies. Things that are pretty, staged, and as perfect as I can possibly create.
The problem is… I’m not much like any of those things.
I mean, I do feel like my site is a reflection of me in many ways… I do love pretty things, I love details, I love making things by hand. But this site is only a part of me, not the full picture.
I am not perfect.
I am overweight. I’m 35 and still have acne. I don’t know what to do with makeup, and rarely wear any. I don’t know what to do with my hair either… so it’s just there. Sometimes I talk too loud and say things before I think. I don’t own anything by Coach or Kate Spade, mostly because I can’t afford them. My house is 1450 square feet and has one bathroom… it’s the house we can afford, and I am rarely proud of it.
This week I was talking to my dad about my upcoming trip and told him that I was really intimidated by the (people at the) conference.
He asked why. I said… “Well, my site is so pretty and perfect, and I’m not.”
He said, “You mean you’re afraid people will find out you’re not perfect?”
“Well… yes.” I replied.
He said, “Let me tell you something… all of the other people going to the conference are imperfect too.”
It was so simple, yet somehow it really hit me.
It’s true. Somehow I’ve forgotten that. All of the ladies wearing their colored skinny jeans and chevron print, and statement necklaces… looking like they just stepped out of Pinterest, they’re not perfect.
Now there is a lot to be said for taking good care of yourself, it’s important. I’m not suggesting we all stop showering and go everywhere in our pajamas.
But if a grown woman (me) with a quite successful blog, many good friends, a supportive and loving family and enough disposable income to fly from California to Texas for a blogging conference, is scared out of her wits to meet a few women… then something is a little off. I’ve been lying to myself and it needs to stop. I’ve bought into the idea that I need to be perfect to be beautiful, and that’s bologna. I’ve told myself that everyone else is more beautiful/successful/confident/cool/fashionable than me, and it’s simply not true.
Sure, we all have different strengths… some women do a beautiful job with their hair and make-up, others are great speakers, some are especially talented photographers, some have great presence in a crowd…
But you know what… I’m pretty awesome just as I am. I’m smart, hardworking, creative, talented, dependable, honest, kind, funny, and beautiful in my own way.
I’m not perfect, but I am beautiful!
So if you run into me next week (or anytime in the future) try to hide your surprise when you see I’m not perfect…and try to hide your shock that I’m nearly 6′ tall.
I wont be wearing skinny jeans… because I can’t. I won’t be carrying a designer bag.
But I do truly enjoy meeting new people, and sharing a bit of our lives. I love meeting people who are smart, funny, creative, and nice.
And hey, if you happen to look great in mint colored skinny jeans, and have a super pretty bag… awesome, go for it. Rock ’em.
I’m not entirely sure why I felt the need to write this post today.
I guess I’m hoping that my moment of enlightenment will be an encouragement to many of you who may feel the same. And if by some small chance you were ever intimidated to meet me… please don’t be, I’m not perfect and I’m secretly very glad that you’re not either!
I’d love to hear from you…. what are the qualities that make you beautiful and special?